run through my town, scream til i faint...

ever have those days that feel like they didn't happen?
things were so repetitive that it all just felt like a blur.

slept in. felt so nice.
did some safety and sanitation homework.
i should be doing more, buuuuuuuuuuut i don't feel like it.
made myself breakfast,
sped to school because i lost track of time and was late, haha.
got to class, made a cake,
got paired up with the crazy Jamaican lady that doesn't speak english. AGAIN.
so i basically did everything by myself.
next week is my last week of school. and then we just have cleanup days.
i'm SO excited. i need a major break from school.
summer will be so nice :)

this is a crappy picture of what i made today :)


anyway.
thursday is owen beverly at the village tavern again.
i'm excited to see himm.

sunday is veara with amanda and chris.
annnnnnnnnnd it kinda looks like me and chris will be doing gang vocals for their whole set.
kerry kinda split.

is it bad if i get excited about things too quickly? yes.
i had fun last night.

anyway. i'm tired.
bedtime early tonight? i think so.

things have changed.
it's better. i had a really good cry about stuff in my life, and i have never felt better. as emokid as that sounds, it felt like it lifted a bunch of emotion that i had been hiding.


i had a lot of fun last night.
went to a riverdogs game with matt, ken, and julie.
then hung out with matt a little bit after.
i had a great time :)

school today. boo.

phew this place is dusty!

okay so this week has been crazy.
for a month me and dee have been planning to go see veara.
first show got cancelled. second show just got cancelled today. wtf.


this is what tuesday might consist of...


to see




haha
it was going to be a surprise, buuuut things were getting all everywhere
so i just called him and was like "so this is what's going on" haha
i'm still super excited. like i really want this to happen.
and if it doesn't i'll see him on the 28th.
buuuut i don't want to have to wait that long <3

that's all that's really on my mind.
oh, and i don't want a tornado to hit my house.
...and i don't want to work tomorrow.
maybe starbucks will get swept up in a tornado overnight and i won't have to go in. lolz

Classic White Icing.
did not work out so well. way too sugary and i wasn't really happy with how my cupcakes turned out :( i'll try something tomorrow maybe. i don't really know what to do with all these cupcakes i keep making haha.


Au Natural
so i just washed my hair with this curling shampoo i used to use, i didn't brush my hair and i'm letting it dry natural. it's freaking me out cause i forgot how curly my hair is when i let it go. haha.






so i'm picking up jenn's shift tomorrow at the bux.
thank goodness, i'm going crazy in this house. i haven't worked in like 4 days haha.
meanwhile i don't have to work christmas eve! yay! happy times lol.
and well i don't have to work christmas either cause we're closed! yaay.
but the day after christmas i'm opening at 5. woohoo.

all in all i'm happy :)


oh, and here's the link to my new cupcake/baking something i don't know what to call it blog :)
cupcake.love

life is complicated at the moment,
but i'm trying not to really think about that.

tonight my mom gave me a christmas present <3
it's this kickbutt cookbook that has anything and everything you could ever think about cooking in it. she's so amazing, she was like "i hated seeing you try to find recipes online and then them turn out horrible because they weren't backed by anyone." my mom is pretty awesome. so tomorrow i'll be testing out some of the recipes and make some cupcakes. my family is probably pretty sick of cupcakes by now, so if anyone wants some, let me know haha.

i think i'm going to start a baking blog, and everytime i make something, i'll take pictures and then write something about it, just to kind of keep a log for myself about how i thought about it, what was wrong with it, what was good about it, etc. so whenever that happens i'll put up a link for the 2 people that read this. haha.

for the longest time, i haven't felt that zsa zsa zsu feeling in my stomach. for awhile there, i was losing faith in the fact that i'd feel it again for a really long time. the last time i felt it, it basically ended in disaster. i've been avoiding it lately because i was afraid of how it was going to end again. but i really thought about it, and if i want happiness at all, i have to put myself out there. so i started talking to a few people, just to get back into the real swing of things. and then, he got hired. my manager hired a few new people at work, and he's one of them. the second he walked in, i got the feeling. it really scared me at first, but it's so nice to feel it again. we've been working a lot together lately, and we're going out tomorrow night. you know how when you meet someone, sometimes it just instantly clicks? you can sit and talk to them and there's this instant electricity and it's just refreshing. that's how it feels. i haven't met that kind of person very often. but when i do, they turn out being someone really important in my life. me and chris were like that right away. two years later, he's still my best friend. even if this turns out to be just a friendship, it will be well worth it. i'm really pulling for more though :)

meanwhile i'm SO done with school. it's just so ridiculous. tons and tons of projects on top of each other and all over the place. i was so busy doing other projects that i forgot to do one of my magazine reviews. yay. that'll bring down my grade quite a bit. we have 5 classes left though, and i'm so read for this. you have no idea.

and work just texted me to ask if i could come in at 7. i really don't want to, simply because of the fact that i have to work at 8 tomorrow morning. no thank you.

seriously. david texted me today at work. all like "i miss you more than you know"
blah blah blah.
and then called me tonight after i was already home and not going back out.
i'm just so sick of this bullshit.
i think he like sets an alarm on his phone for every couple of weeks like,
"hey, it's time to text sam and then not call her again for 3 weeks to screw with her head"
wtf mate. i hate this.


more importantly, starbucks is all christmas-ified. it looks great though.
everything is red. we even get to wear these red holiday tshirts every friday, it's fun.


saw american gangster last night with christopher.
it was a really good movie.
just when you think denzel washington isn't a badass anymore...
he goes and does this movie. freakin amazing.
freakin long too. seriously started at 7:20 and it didn't get out til 10. man.



remember those nice guys that hardly exist anymore?
yea i met one.
he's sort of taken. son of a-
i hate on life when it comes to relationships
or as i like to call it, a "relation-shit."
dane cook rules my life lately.
the other day, some dude was on the today show, talking about how he got bit by a shark,
and then a pod of dolphins (wtf?) came and surrounded him to scare away the shark.
the shark swam away, and the guy got away.
wait.... WHAT? like, "so i punched the shark, aaaaand he let me go."
and then there was this huge accident outside my neighborhood,
and people were seriously like coming out of bushes and crap. it was hilarious.

anyway.
work tomorrow.
i could use some serious cheering up.

do you ever feel like everyday is just a carbon copy of the one before?
i feel like that's been happening over and over lately, and i absolutely hate it.
i really just want something new to happen to me.
something exciting, that will change everything.

i know that i hold it all in my own hands,
but i just feel like i don't have time for anything anymore.

me and the bestfriend finally hung out over the weekend and it was a blast.
i miss that more than you will ever know.



so my dad apologized today.
thank goodness. today was crap because of last night.
i went to the shop after school to get them to put on my new tire,
and he was still in a horrible mood about it and like snatched my keys out of my hand.
and then tonight we were upstairs alone and he apologized.
i knew he would, i just didn't know when.

anyway.
i really don't want to go to class tomorrow.
save me?

dear forever the sickest kids,
your demos make me so happy.

this was the most interesting weekend i've had in a really long time.
yesterday i worked with seriously, ALL my favorite people at work.
it was great. either they worked, or came in and visited. amazing.

then me and chris went to underoath. it was interesting.
i lost chris during the first 10 minutes of maylene. yeah.
so i spent the entire show alone.
annnd one of the guitarists had a glory of this tshirt on.
an OLD glory of this tshirt. like one that i got years ago at the legion.
i wanted to find him and hug him, but he was nowhere to be found.
(off topic, but it made me happy. the people that bought the music farm out
CLEANED IT! yay for them. they cleaned and painted the bathrooms,
put down carpet, and decorated. it's pretty now.)

so after i lost chris, i wandered around and watched the show from the back.
saw a ton of random people. old friends, new friends, and even someone that i haven't
seen in about 2 years. it was so great to see him again :)

found chris after underoath played. was really bummed that we didn't get to
watch them together. we started to drive home,
and his friend's boyfriend called him up talking crap like
"why you talkin to my girlfriend man?!" being all lame. it was kinda funny.
screamed and sang along really really loud to he is legend and ftsk on the interstate.
got stuck in a little traffic from the fair,
and i got home around 1:30. yay.

slept in this morning, we made blueberry pancakes. yum.
hung out for awhile, then went over to my grandparents house to see my aunt/uncle
then i had to go to the starbucks holiday meeting.
on the way home, i got a flat tire. YEAHH!! i love my life.
and of course, since it happened to me, it had to happen so randomly.
i hit a pothole that i hit everyday, and didn't feel it happen.
and some stupid stock car that had the loudest exhaust EVER was right next to me,
so i didn't hear it. i didn't know what was going on until i felt my car vibrating.
so i pulled into sonic to make sure that my car was okay?
when i opened the door i just smelled rubber and saw that my tire was torn apart.
yay. i called my mom and she told my dad, and he came to put on my spare.
of course he was mad at me. thanks for the compassion. i could have run off the road.
i'm so glad that you have a short temper, thanks dad.

to make my evening better, an old friend probably hates me.
i saw him last night at the show randomly, we've been planning to hang out
today for like a week now. i told him to call me at 7:45 so i'd be out of my meeting and we'd hang out. well apparently he didn't change his clock like everyone else, so he called me at 6:45 when i was still in the starbucks meeting. i couldn't answer. annnd he called me like 4 times. i felt really bad. so when i finally got out of the meeting an hour later as planned, i tried to call him back and his mom answered and said he wasn't home. yay. i feel like such a good person.

and kathrine just called me from fall out boy. yay for more depression kicking in.

how the heck was YOUR weekend?

circa survive is owning my speakers at the moment. much love.

went to the fair tonight with dee and amanda.
it was really fun.
except for the fact that now i have a massive
stomach ache from all the fair food.

i really don't want to go to class tomorrow.
i'm seriously so sick of all that crap.
if i have to write another design brief for something
that i'm not actually making
i'm going to shoot my computer in the face.

in other news,
i have a large large feeling that boston will win again tonight,
and that the world series will be over lol.

anyway.
i'm kind of excited for something to happen.

i'm in a horrible mood and there's really no reason to be.
i mean just little crappy things keep piling up and i hate it.

we're all stressed out and on the edge from taking 3 days to move our entire life BACK into our OLD house this past weekend. we did it all. it's all done. what the hell.

i have to spend NUMEROUS forever hours in school everyday for something that i hate
and i drive by the culinary kids walking out to their cars with their uniforms on holding Styrofoam boxes full of cakes and goodies. i found myself walking past the baking window today just to get a glimpse of them making cakes, and my stomach just turned and my heart was yelling at me that that's where i wanted to be. i have to just sit in classes and just wait for all this crap to be over.

i feel 13. i'm breaking out and my face hurts.

my debit card was gone all week, and now it's back but i can't balance my transactions out. and i ordered my new shoes from vans but i got an email from them saying something about they put my order on hold so i have to call and verify something or their going to cancel it? but i think they already charged my account? and then i have to somehow hope that pivotal just never calls me to change my debit card number. because they have my old number, so they have no way of charging me every month.

and not to mention that like my life is showing me that it's mating season or something. i'm just freaking SURROUNDED by happy couples and i just constantly get reminded that i'm alone. like today at moe's. i went there for lunch and i ordered, and the guy was "are you alone?" and i was like "yeah. thanks for reminding me." really?

and i haven't seen my best friend in like two weeks and that always makes me sad.

dear god,
please send me something new.

kathrine is my favorite person today.
i'm listening to boys like girls play thunder right now,
it's amazing. love.

List ten things that have recently made you happy, then tag ten people to do the same.

[1] texts from a boy.
[2] hahahah seeing yancey at work the other day and he told me i looked "easy on the eyes" hahah
[3] playing Friends trivia at work with jacob
[4] finding out that we're moving back into our old house. oh, how i've missed thee.
[5] new all time low/chidos albums
[6] last night going to wild wings to see the usc game. that was hilarious.
[7] seeing this video about how this cat eats with a fork
[8] getting just enough money this week from pacsun to buy my new shoes AND the laptop case i really want
[9] the fact that my new advisor for baking and pastry sounds like arnold schwarzenegger, and calls himself "chef"
[10] going to target and walking around in the halloween section for half an hour <3

so it hit me how fast time has gone by.
chris just randomly said "oh yeah travis' birthday is in two weeks"
and that's when we met two years ago.
it's just weird to me.
but it's been a great two years.

anyway.
i'm listening to hey mercedes and it feels like old times.
like really old times.

... oh yeah. and i quit pacsun today.
they probably hate me. gah.



dear god,
please let me meet someone new. i want to meet someone that isn't someone's exboyfriend or crush or anything. i just want to meet someone that is brand new. oh, and please no more text messages from ex boyfriends and ex flings and guys that i don't want to be associated with.
amen.


...oh. and we might be moving back in our old house. a big W-T-F mate.

so today was pretty freakin interesting.
got up and went to work, and two of my favorite people were working.
thennnnnn my most favorite showed up later haha.
but anyway, so the day was going well.
we were really busy at the bux and things were going pretty smooth.
and then i see a familiar black-haired, tattoed dude walk through the door...
ch'yeah. frankie and his internet gf. no lie.
i should have totally spit in her drink.
buut i didn't. i was the bigger person and just said hey and smiled and blah blah.
whatever.

so tomorrow me and kristin are setting up starbucks for Fall Phase 2.
phase 2? wtf. can't they just have one phase for each season? gosh.
which means we confusingly run around the store trying to figure out where to put new stuff,
and how to write the new signs and whatever.
it's always fun but we're usually a little stressed out in the process,
cause we're not positive where things go so we usually just wing it.

my mom attacked my room today while i was at work and did all my laundry.
which means the pile that was attacking my floor is gone. thank heavens.

but that's the most interesting stuff i have to say today.
love.

pacsun is pretty rad. i'm not gonna lie.
richard is hilarious, and it's a pretty easy job.
i mean it's not at all like starbucks where you're running around for 8 hours like a chicken with your head cut off. but all in all it's alright.
...especially the fact that cute-pretzel-boy works across the hall at auntie anne's.
homeboy looks like zach braff. no joke.
he's super adorable and richard kept trying to motion across the hall to the employee he knows there to see if he was single hahaha.

but seriously, i didn't know how ghetto people really are. i mean mall shoppers are creepy man. i had like a million ghetto guys hitting on me all night. which never happens, maybe that's why it creeped me out so bad. haha. i mean honestly, there was this one kinda older black guy that came in and was looking right at me, and i was like "oh man i'm sorry i'm in your way!" and he was like "oh no baby i'm just in here to look at you" and stood there like looking me up and down. i was like really? no thanks.

but tomorrow i get to actually sleep in. wow. i'm so excited. you have no idea.

i'm so ready for fall to arrive. we got a huge tease a week or two ago, when it was amazingly chilly out for a few precious days. now it's just blazing hot again. lame. please just get cold. now? thanks.

i don't think this job at pacsun is going to last. mo is giving more and more hours every week. i think it hit her that my hours sucked until pacsun called her for a reference. i think i'm going to do this week, and then just let richard know that it's not going to work. i'll put in a two weeks in case i want to work there sometime in the future, but whatever. i just don't think that i can do both at the same time. i thought i could... buuuut i think i was wrong.

i was just watching some of my old drive thru dvds, and gah.
1. dear hidden in plain view, please get back together... and please come to south carolina.
2. dear early november, please get back together... and please come to south carolina.
3. dear self against city, you are cute. please never break up. and please come to south carolina.
4. dear houston calls... refer back to #3.

i put on the early november's acoustic ep, and threw on a track jacket and made it really cold in my room. kinda got a quick flashback to 2 years ago. i know i know, i'm lame. but i just remember meeting chris in october of my junior year; driving down old orangeburg road late at night, it was cold out, and we were blasting the early november's acoustic ep. honestly, i don't have too many relationships that last that long. friendships come and go lately, but i've been truly lucky to meet such amazing people. i mean, me and dee have kept our friendship going all throughout high school, which didn't happen with anyone else. me and kathrine have stayed super close even though she moved to the other side of the state. me and chris have been best friends for two years now, and i don't know what i would ever do without him. .... and well me and amanda are attached at the hip. duh. but it hit me tonight when i was driving home, and i just am very thankful to have these people in my life.
...end sappy rant.

so i constantly forget to write in this thing.

good times this weekend!
went to go see my favorite band of all time. i've been waiting to see the starting line for 5 years. i finally saw them at warped tour this summer, and it was amazing. but this time was even better. the fact that i was with all of my best friends, and it was in the tiniest club ever. just made it awesome. i went with chris, amanda, and dee, and then kathrine showed up a little later. four years strong was awesome. i hadn't ever listened to them til the night before the show, but they were super awesome. and then the starting line. wow. they opened with up & go. ch'yeah. and then towards the end, they played best of me. and the crowd finished singing the last part of the song while the guys stopped playing and left the stage. after a lot of pleading for more songs, they played leaving, and a new song. asldfkajsdlf the show was amazing. they played so many old songs, it was so amazing. i can't even explain it.

thennnnnnnnnnnn the best part. after the show, me and dee went and got a picture with, and talked to kenny. it was amazing to finally get to talk to him. he was blown away when i told him about how i had waited 5 years to see them. but it was amazing. tom gave chris his drumstick as they were walking off stage, and kenny signed it for him, only cause we couldn't find tom anywhere haha.

but it was an amazing night.

life is pretty good right now.
how is everyone doing?

okay so what happens when you really like someone, but you're too shy to make the first move? and they're really quiet too, so you have NO idea if they would even have the slightest chance of returning the feeling? ch'yeah. beats me.

i don't want to work tomorrow. so freaking lame. i haven't slept in in like a week. it's retarted. i better be working with someone awesome tomorrow morning.

so my tuesday/thursday class days are interesting. first at 8am i have my adobe illustrator class. which i know already that i'm going to LOVE. then i have an hour to kill, which will probably ALWAYS be spent at starbucks. annnnd then i go to my basic computers class, which i have with matt grego which is awesome, i'm so glad i have someone in there with me. it's SO boring. there was seriously an entire chapter in our textbook like, "this is how you open Word. this is how you print a document. this is how you save a document." wtf? how do you get through high school, writing papers and crap, and not know how to work microsoft word? this is so lame.

anyway. i just took like a 3 hour nap, so i'm not going to be able to sleep :(



brand new is taking over shuffle.
jesus christ and now seventy times seven live. amazing <3

so school is starting tomorrow. it's officially my first day of college. i have no idea what to expect. honestly, i don't even know how i got here. i remember standing in my kitchen the morning of my first day of high school. i even remember what i was wearing. and how nervous my stomach felt before i got in the car with amanda. that was 4 years ago. and it feels like yesterday. so much has happened since then, i honestly believe i'm a different person, but in a good way. i'm really glad that i went to such a freaking huge high school, because it really forced me to grow up. a ton has happened to me; good and bad, but i'm glad for all of them. because it's taught me so much. blah blah what i'm saying is, that i hope that the next 2 years of college will be just as much of a learning experience.

meanwhile, i'm so glad that i have the friends that i do. i've met some of the most amazing people in the past year or two, and i would never trade them for anything. i realized that next month, i will have known chris for two years. before i met him, i never thought that i could have someone besides my sister that would know me so well, and vice versa. i'm just so glad that i have these people in my life, and i don't know what i would do without them. i'm sure you've heard, but chris is really sick. i don't think it's anything fatal, but it's serious enough to the point where i can see that it's making him a different person. he's not the vital guy that i know anymore. he's always tired, not feeling well, and when he is... it's just a matter of time until he feels like crap again. i want to do so much for him, because he honestly is my better half, but there's only so much that i can do. just please keep him in your prayers for me. he means the world to me.

last but certainly not least, i am this close to giving up on guys. i know i know i'm young and blah blah but i just cannot meet a decent guy with a good personality. i just want to meet someone that no one has dated and gossips about. i want to meet a guy that isn't psychotic after 3 dates. i want to meet a guy that doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, and good looking helps. i just need something new. please.

so i haven't written in awhile, but i feel the need to.
sometimes i just need to complain to someone but most people don't listen, so here i go.

today we got our shipment in at starbucks, and we got pumpkin spice in. oh dear lord in heaven. it's my favorite drink EVER. we can't serve it til next week, but i had one today, and it was amazing. i absolutely love it. i'm starting to get a little frustrated by work, only because i feel like i'm there at the crack of dawn EVERY day. today i slept in til 9 and it felt AMAZING. I got this guy to cover my shift tomorrow so i'm only there for two hours to get certified... which won't even take that long so i'll probably get to leave early. woohoooooo! and then i have thursday through sunday off. wtf? but it will be awesome.

so i was talking to this guy, and today it ended. pretty much before it started. and it's so retarted. like it doesn't even hurt anymore, that's how many times this has happened. honestly, i'm sick of it.

i went to the gym tonight for the first time in forever. first of all i had totally forgotten to bring my scan card thing, and so when holly signed me in the computer, it apparently tells her when the last time i was there. 28 days. pfft. 47 dollars wasted of not going to the gym whatsoever. woooops.

class starts on the 20th. i bought about half of my books, and it was almost 200 dollars. i still have 3 or 4 books to buy, so i have to like take my mom with me so that she can pay for it haha.

i think i'm getting a belk credit card tomorrow. bahah. wish me luck.